We had our ultrasound a week ago and everything looks perfect. I was a nervous wreck before it; logically I just couldn’t assume that there really was a baby to be found in there. I don’t have nearly as much anger (in regards to pregnancy, at least!) but what I don’t have, and probably never will, is that same sense of innocence and optimism. I didn’t feel like I was being pessimistic, either – just realistic.

Anyway, my nervousness was unfounded! The baby measured exactly at 8 weeks and 3 days (which was exactly how far along I estimated I was), and we saw the heart beating away at 171 bpm. We could even see its arms! The baby was wiggling a bit too; the technician said it was a “mover”. It was so exciting! I didn’t want her to take the wand away from the baby to make any other measurements. Good thing we have pictures to document; they have pride of place over our fireplace right now.

I am surprised in general by how relaxed I am about the pregnancy. I was a nervous wreck for about the first two weeks, but ever since then (about 3-4 weeks) things have been much more zen. I am glad. I’m not out of the woods yet, at all, and I’m guarding against relaxing and just assuming things are fine (as I did at about this point in both my previous pregnancies, to great grief later), but knowing that everything looks great and that according to all my pregnancy literature, there’s only a 5% chance of miscarriage at this point, is incredibly reassuring. Surely I won’t be in that 15% of .02% again, right?

Right?

In the meantime, I am still really tired and feeling queasy on and off. The morning sickness has not been that bad, and I should be glad about that, but I kind of wish it was worse because it would be more reassuring. I still have sore boobs, an ultra sensitive nose, and have cravings and aversions. This week my craving for red meat has lessened somewhat and instead I have struggled to find things that sound good to eat. There has been a lot of cereal. Still having aversions to most Italian foods, avocados, hummus, salad, and most vegetables.

Overall I will be really relieved when I get to be 13 weeks. Just 3 more weeks or so. A week from now I’ll have been more pregnant than I have ever been. I hope I make it there.

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