7 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. 10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:7-14

Today would have been my mom’s 63rd birthday. I’m going to pick up a big bunch of tulips this morning to remember her, but of course that is a weak stand-in for what I really want.

At Leah’s grad school graduation in 2007. No idea why I’m making that face.

This was today’s Mary Engelbreit drawing on my daily calendar:

When I was in the throes of the post-college wasteland and had no idea what I was doing with myself, my mom got me a little book with this picture on the cover as a way to encourage me. So it felt like a little hug from her to see that this morning!

Wasn’t she cute as a little girl?

Today is bittersweet. I want her here with me — to eat birthday cake, to help me prepare for my baby, to just be here — but instead, what I have is her legacy and testimony. And whether or not I feel it every day, that is enough.